Friends ‘til the end

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Friends ‘til the end

In high school, juniors and seniors would study long hours for the S.A.T.’s, fill out long college applications, as they prepare their outfits weeks ahead for the prom. Unlike them, I isolated myself from everyone as I mourned for my best friend, Evelyn.

Losing a loved one is one of the worst torments I have ever experienced, especially at such a young age. It was difficult for me to accept her death. Until now, I still wish she were here.




Evelyn and I were the best of friends. In fact, we were so close; we considered each other as actual sisters. There were times where Evelyn would keep to herself whenever a problem would be too difficult for her to handle. Her feelings would bottle up and she would explode into tears as she thinks of suicide for a solution to any of her problems. She was too proud to ask for help as she acts like nothing was bothering her. Her “happy-go-lucky” act soon disappears as she locks herself in her room, thinking that her misery would go away along with her life.

All of Evelyn’s suicidal attempts never succeeded but I would always find scars, bruises, or even burn marks on her body. It just hurts to see how troublesome she’s feeling, especially when she hides her troubles behind a smile at school. After realizing the signs of suicide she had showed, I immediately gave her my full attention. She would avoid all of my questions that concerned her well being.

I began to worry about her, so I sat with her and offered her any help she needed. At first she denied having any problems, assuring me that everything’s fine. I gave her a puzzled look, as I pulled her bandaged wrist and in an irritated tone, I asked, “Then what the hell is this all about?” I became angry with her when silence became her response. I became harsh on Evelyn as I expressed my thoughts on our friendship. I didn’t mean to make her feel even worse than she already is. It just sucks having a best friend who would rather hurt herself than to cry on my shoulder whenever she would need me. She made it seem like I was a stranger or I was too busy for her when she knows that all she has to do is call.

On April 6, 17, Evelyn called to invite me to her nephew’s christening. On that same day, I had a date to the Junior Prom and my younger sister would be arriving from the Philippines, so I wasn’t sure what time I would be able to attend her nephew’s party. Uncertain, I told her that I would call her after prom.

I did not enjoy my Junior Prom at all. For some reason, I had this real bad feeling that I shouldn’t have gone. Although I wasn’t enjoying myself, I tried to have fun with my date. I didn’t want to ask him to drop me home early after he spent so much for that night. Around 1000 o’clock that evening, my date dropped me home. I thanked him gratefully as I rushed to get into my house. As soon as I entered through the door, all of my family members greeted me with hugs and kisses as they appeared out of nowhere. I tried to quickly greet them back without being rude and disrespectful, as I tried to dash my way through the phone.

Before I could dial Evelyn’s phone number, I recognized a familiar voice behind me insulting my dress, “Yuck! What an ugly dress!” my sister, Sharon exclaimed. Then she yelled, “You mad now because I’m back, that’s why you’re not welcoming me home?” I slightly turned around and lightly slapped my little sister’s head as I laughed at her silly remark. I gave her a hug and welcomed her back while I was on the phone trying to contact Evelyn.

Evelyn answered the phone with an annoyed tone in her voice. I greeted her and asked, “Guess who’s back from the Philippines?” “NO WAY! SHARON?” Evelyn asked with excitement. Evelyn asked me to bring my sister along to her nephew’s party but the only problem was our ride. I asked her if she could pick us up but she couldn’t because she was too busy helping out with the party. “So how’s this then? I wanna see Sharon,” as Evelyn demanded. Finally we made an agreement to meet up tomorrow afternoon. The next day, Evelyn never called and whenever I would call, there was no answer. I figured she was tired so I didn’t bother calling back. I had no idea that last night would be our last conversation.

The weekend passed and it was back to school. Like any ordinary Monday, I walked my way through the halls to get to our hangout, with no knowledge of Evelyn’s death. As soon as I arrived to the hangout, my cousin approached me and told the sad news. Shocked by what she said, I simply laughed and said “WHATEVERS!” My cousin gave me this grave look and I knew she was serious. As I was still in denial, I asked if she was joking. My cousin pulled out a small clip from the newspaper and there it read “….Evelyn Gagarin, 16, of Dededo, committed suicide during a family function….making Gagarin number 7 for Guam’s suicide rate.”

At that point, I became hysterical and caused a big scene, not knowing that the entire student body was watching. I just couldn’t believe she was gone and I didn’t want to believe that she was never coming back. Realizing how much her death affected me, I became careless. I was unable to concentrate in school and soon my grades dropped dramatically. In an instant, I dropped from an “A student” to a “D student.” My teachers became concerned as they would hand me my progress report during the middle of third quarter. I knew I was on the verge of failure but I didn’t care.

One of my teachers knew I needed help, so she suggested seeing the counselor. Even though I felt obligated, I knew secluding myself was not the answer. Quietly, I did what I was told because I knew that if I didn’t seek any help, I would end up like Evelyn. After experiencing this situation, I wouldn’t want to make anyone else feeling the same torture that I have. Anyone could easily be mentally depressed when they lose a loved one.

As the counselor slowly helped me express my emotions, I realized how angry I was at her and at the same time, deeply hurt that I would never see her again. After long hours in the counselor’s office, I couldn’t believe how much weight I have lifted off by talking to someone. Although I was still in mourning, I decided to move on with my life.

Even if Evelyn is not with me physically, she would always be with me in my heart.

By the end of the school year, I caught up with my make-up assignments and received passing grades. Then I became comfortable talking to other friends about how I felt when Evelyn passed away. There are other people who care about me as much as I did with Evelyn and I can’t just shut them out of my life so I accepted the fact that she was gone and there’s nothing I can do to bring her back. It was kind of hard at first, but I can’t feel depressed forever.





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