I don't like Ionia

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I guess this day was going to come. Doesnt make it any easier though. I make mistakes but I also try to work on solutions. I never said I was perfect or good. I try to provide resources and a sense of belonging to something special. I try never to put people down publicly or belittle them and I expect people to treat me with that same kind of respect.


-Deej never put you down publicly. He stated that some people like playing with women, you responded with a smart-assed comment and set him on the defensive, because as usual you immediately take things badly and think youre being attacked.


In regards to the PK problem, what I am guilty of is trying to stop people alienating others who have toons in more than one clan whether those toons are red or white. I have always tried to remember that I am dealing with people who have thoughts and feelings of their own and have asked that others remember that as well.


-The only PK problem here is that it became the only thing that mattered to you, as we discussed in AIM. The HLs themselves mean little to you know..you manipulate them to gain acceptance while you privately complain to your closest friends that they are a burden.





When I screw up I also try to take responsibility for it and admit Ive been wrong.


-While always pushing blame off cleverly onto another. While leveraging those who support you blindly into covering you, taking the easy parts of the flak and pushing everything else off onto someone else. Attacking repeatedly while defending, acting the victim while doing your best to make others seem the attacker. Youre the greatest straw martyr Ive ever seen.


In the case of asking people not to trashtalk exempt as a clan, I believe I acted appropriately. There is no need to make war with a guild because weve got problems with some individuals in it, particularly when it is going to affect so many people directly here in our clan as well.


-Instead of alienating the people from Exempt in the clan, you alienated some of your closest, and oldest friends. Deej and I? Husband and Friend?


I was not making a choice for either monarchy. I was choosing to try to create a new option and working with other monarchs to get a rd group together that could hang out and not be involved in the exempt tao feud while still being able to battle with both. Those monarchs were working with me. They were into a rd force as a viable solution for everyone involved.


-And in the end, you let this PK decision lose you friends. You went crazy again, and this time over this..this stupid PK thing. Do you remember, I told you that PK always ends badly? I begged you not to be a part of it..but you had to..and now look. I hope you enjoy your rd force, I hope you enjoy your PK time..but I wish you were still the old Ionia who didnt waste time with foolish games and played like things matter, like the family was what mattered..not some stupid PVP bs.


As for you Deej, since you felt it necessary to continually publicly put me down after I specifically stated I was feeling unsupported, I need to also respond to you publicly.


-Deej did not continually put you down..he made a single comment that some people like to play with girls. You then took it badly and went immediately on the offensive while acting like you were the victim, a classic Ionia game. After that, he made a statement Ive made repeatedly in the past, Chill out, relax..I meant no harm..and of course you continued to do what youve always done..push and push. You decided in the beginning that you were to be rid of Deej..the rest was just an action in setting yourself up so you could believe, as well as everyone else, that you had been the hurt one. Go back and read over the posts..Nowhere was Deej harsher to you than any close friend would be to another who was acting, for lack of a better term, insane. Insane in their defensiveness..as youve always been. Ive never seen someone who could take so much from so little..twist it around..toy with it..and use it against someone such as you do.


I am sorry you have so little understanding for what I was trying to do. My problem was never with the wider PK community, it was with the way you talked about and treated me and then belittled any pain you were inflicting.


-Deej didnt understand why you were feeling pain, because your pain was illogical. He never did anything to hurt you Beth, the hurt you took was a mixture of your own self-loathing, your inability to take even constructive criticism, and your need for acceptance in the face of your own many faults.


The only time that PK politics or “head games” ever hurt, was when you played them on me. And yes, I was not mentally ready to be humiliated by you in such an ongoing fashion. Obviously it is impossible to continue in a situation with a co monarch who publicly makes no bones about how inadequate he finds his partner. It is not like an argument that can be worked out and a solution found. A working partnership needs to be based on mutual respect. Any you had for me seems long gone and now I am at the point where the feeling is mutual. However I am grateful for the lessons you taught me and the good times and I wish you well.


-The office of CoMonarch was a joke anyway. I remember when you and I were close and you talked to me about my running things in the background with your assistance. Then, you married Deej and suddenly he was CoMonarch. Do you know what Ionias CoMonarch is..another person to shuffle blame off on. Another person to whine and complain about when things get to be too much for the hard-working monarch. The honest truth is, Ionia made Deej CoMonarch, then never asked him to do anything..but as usual, when the shit hits the fan, Ionia starts whining that Deej wasnt doing enough..Deej wasnt helping..Oh Poor Ionia, ever the Hard-Working Martyr. What have you done lately besides PK Ionia? Twice I came to you when I first came back and said that I had interested clans who wanted to do something with the allegiance. Both times, I asked you if you could contact the monarchs and discuss possible intramural Allegiance events. What did you do? Nothing..you refused to contact them. Oh..poor Ionia.. As to the end of your sentence..if you wished Deej well, would you so quickly write him off? I remember another person you did that to Ionia..another close friend who you turned on..and later apologized to and begged to return.


I know this is going to divide the clan but I don’t think anyone would expect us to continue like this. I certainly am not prepared to be the victim of ongoing humiliation. Deej, also in that respect you are right, I am not mentally ready for it and never will be. I will choose to stay inexperienced in that arena.


-Youre mentally ready for the mind games of PK..youre not mentally ready to have a stable, friendly relationship with anyone once they get close to you. Those you dont hold at a distance, you eventually devour. As for staying inexperienced..I hold in faith that your choice to not PK will save this allegiance because you will return to your former position of handling the Clan instead of handling PK. Maybe some day youll make the HLs what they once were, back when the mention of a macroer or chainer disgusted you. Im not decrying them as evil men, Ionia. You know where I came from..you know what I did long before I came to the HLs, and after I arrived. I never said that I was perfect, sinless, or even remotely able to stay on the straight and narrow. What I do know is that if I had macrod back when I first joined the HLs, you would have booted me out and rightfully so. I own two Macrod characters now..Ethon I macrod myself, Vego I purchased off Ebay. Im not saying that its WRONG..Im saying that its wrong for the HIGHLANDERS. Once an honorable group..now they accept the riffraff of the server. It used to be that, when I first met you, you made me hang around and get used to things and understand the way things would work before you allowed me entrance..now, anyone can come along no matter who they are. You were always respectful, but really your respectfulness was just another kind of screening..I respect the way you live, but youre not right for us. Now anyone is right for us, unless they upset YOU.


To those who stay, you know I take my commitment to you seriously. I have endeavored to provide resources and opportunities and will continue to try to get newsletters out regularly, keep the bot up, make sure we have out of game communication means and look after the website. I will also reform the council who will help us hopefully regroup and move on from this. If you would like to help in this respect, please let me know.


-I hope everyone stays, and I hope..hope springs eternal..that what you say here is true. I hope that things are reformed..I hope that the old way reigns..that some few people are kicked who cannot live with the way things once were..I hope that you return to the way things once were. I dont believe you will..I dont believe you can..but I hope.


For those who feel I am not capable to lead as monarch or who feel this clan is no longer home for you, I am sorry it didnt work out and you feel let down. You are all special people and I know you will find what you need. There are so many good clans and leaders out there who will welcome you, and after the next patch the options will no doubt increase dramatically.


-I dont think youve ever been capable of leading. I believe youre manipulative to a fault, and dont have the strength of will and emotion to lead a family. That was always the good part of you..people didnt follow because you were capable of leading..they followed because they loved you. Those that loved too much, or believed too deeply..somewhere along the way they found out who you really are and it destroyed them..you destroyed them. Ive known you a good amount of time now..Ive heard the stories from those whove left..talked to each in turn privately, really learned who they are, why they made the choices they made..and its very clear that in the end, your only saving grace is that your manipulativeness is equaled by your likeability, that like most true users, you have the ability to believe the lie..believe that youre the victim..and use that belief to convince others to your side..use that belief to destroy those who cared about you most. Deej, a perfect example..A comment to chill out led to him leaving the clan..because you carried it on from there. You did Ionia..you were the one who took such powerful offense..Deej wanted it to rest, but he was right to say that he didnt understand why you had a problem with what he had said..he just didnt do anything wrong.


With all the counterpoints out of the way, Ill say this


I apologize to those Ive targetted either directly or indirectly in this post. Most of this stuff has been stewing since I returned to AC. Im in another period of retirement, and its always easier to burn bridges when youre not travelling over them on a daily basis. I am not perfect..indeed most of what I have said to Ionia here can apply to me as well, and thats why I always got along with her so much. I am needlessly hard on my friends..my eternal loyalty goes to those who are rock solid, but those who change..they gain my disdain. Change is a natural part of life..of the human creature..and my hate for those who change comes from a tumultuous youth where nothing ever seemed to be settled for long. Thats my greatest fault..the belief that my friends should remain who they are over time..and I admit it freely because no post attacking someone should be made without the poster admitting his own weaknesses.


As is stands, I believe Ionia mistreated Deej, and I agree that he left. Ill be leaving too..not just because of this, but because the Highlanders arent what they were when I joined..and Id rather find something else than deal with an environment that does not feel like home. If things have to be strange and unfamiliar, I will not live with the ghosts of that which remains the same.


Many of you are my friends..I love you all in turn. I love Ionia most of all, and I hate her deeply at the same time. I believe that she manipulates without knowing she is manipulating..I believe that she is calculating, but I also believes that she holds to her statements because she is blind to her own faults. I believe that when she does admit a fault, even that admission is manipulative. Perhaps these last statements on my part are a good example of this..for what more is a closing argument than an attempt to manipulate the jury by adding the seed of doubt into the evidence at hand?


I wash my hands of the matter, and retire from the boards with this post. I wish the better part of all of you luck. To those I do not know, I hope you do well in the Highlanders. Do not rise to the heights, and you will never truly know her well..do not get close, and you will always be happy..only those who get closest to her, to the Sun that is Ionia, are burned to ashes.


Ethon





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