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Websters dictionary defines relationships as an emotional and especially sexual, attachment between two people. However anyone in a relationship will undoubtedly pronounce that the word has a significance far greater than that is defined by any dictionary. The complication arises when a relationship becomes abusive, and a profound amount of times it is the woman who is being victimized. Whether the victimization is physical, sexual, mental, emotional or even economical, many women choose to remain in these abusive relationships. It is often baffling as to why these individuals would remain in such a disastrous alliance, however many are bound by obligations such as culture, children, fear of loneliness and even financial insecurities.
The expectations predetermined by certain cultures upon women are the primary reasons for their perseverance in unhappy relationships. Almost every religion and culture reinforces the ideology that women are inferior to men both intellectually and physically. In many cultures it is a taboo if one ends a martial affair for any reason whatsoever, and the woman is always the one condemned. A specific South Indian society of Tamils is one of such beliefs. Here the womans roles as a wife are so clearly defined, (passiveness, stay at home, cook, clean, take care of the children and yield to all of the husbands demands), that any deviation from that patriarchal code of behavior will be seen as rebellious, and the woman will be banished. These outlooks come from tradition, beliefs and customs that are passed on through generations. Even if the husband is an unquestionably abusive man--physically, mentally, or even sexually, the wife is expected to bear with him until his dying day. When that day does arrive and the husband is cremated as their religion requires, the screaming wife is thrown into the scorching fire (almost always against her will), and burned alive. It is believed that they will rejoin in the after life and continue with their lives as they had done so on Earth. Remarkably, this ritual is still practiced in some remote villages.
Women in Western societies are usually not bound by such ludicrous, cultural obligations. Many times the woman chooses to remain in the abusive relationship because of her children. She fears that if she were to leave her husband she will loose custody of the children, without whom life to her is worthless. The woman may also be under the pressure that if she were to leave the children with the husband, they may not be cared for properly, the sense of family will be lost and her children will grow up without the loving influence of a mother. However, if she were to take the children with her, she may fear that her financial resources would not be adequate to provide for the needs of her growing children.
The fear of financial instability is what persuades some women to stay in abusive relationships. They fear that if they were to leave, they would not have sufficient funding to support themselves, let alone their children. They would have to start life from scratch, buy everything new, pay rent, get food, and worry about the many other unforeseen costs that may arise. Even if she were to stay with family and friends, the stay would have to be temporary, for not too many people are fond of housing a renegade housewife for extended periods of time. However, even if the financial uncertainty is resolved, few women, especially those coming out of an abusive relationship, have enough self-confidence to, find a new partner and begin a new relationship.
Hence it is this fear of loneliness that influences certain women to suffer through an uncanny union. Will I find another man at such an age? With such a past? Who would want a single mother? Was all this my fault? What if it happens all over again? These are all worries that are often blown out of proportion by women leaving abusive relationships. Their self confidence and morale are low--they may be exiled by society, separated from their children, with no or little money, no stable place to stay, and now they will be lonely. Is it all worth it? Unfortunately, many women think that it is not, and after weighing out all the possible options, they conclude that this abusive relationship is tolerable considering the other alternatives.
Even though to us, from the outside world it may seem that a woman is being absurd for remaining in an obviously abusive relationship, for her there are many factors governing her decision. The cultural ramifications, the possible loss of her children, or what may become of them without her, the financial insecurity, and even the uncertainty of being lonely are all questions that a woman must ponder before she leaves the abusive relationship and enter yet an already patriarchal society. Hence it is not surprising to see many women endure the pains and suffering, and remain in these relationships, clinging to the hope that one day all her suffering will end, and that she can live the happy and perfect life that she had envisioned prior to their marriage.
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